Hai it's been awhile since I last update. I've been busy and out of topic, losing mood in blogging.
duh, I don't know what happened.
I've been up to something and naa, nowadays I just can't think of anything else.
I'm out of mood into anything that I found nothing really matter now. I'm no longer cares whatever my pal are doing or people are doing. but somehow I am doing great life now. I enjoyed my exercise journey, my meal and my favorite movies. and absolutely my beloved old man, mfm. hahaa

and mom keep asking me to get married as usual as I told her me and him are preparing everything, stay calm mother. man, I miss you great time. I miss to stay besides you watching football games while I keep looking around and you looking at me. I never figured out the way I feel to sat besides you in the car with your friend at the back which definitely make me awkward to the blast because I'm hungry and too shy to tell in front of him. guess what sayang, I love when you take me to the restaurant bcs you know how strong my passion was to the foods. I can't stay mad at you, can't scold you straight in the face though you made me end up in the hospital. I just can't hurt you that way. I know it hurts you so many times seeing me lack of oxygen while we were running to the hospital and I should spent big thanks to Ijam for drove us straight to the hospital and waiting patiently until late at 1 am. I know you scared when mom wants to talk to you, but I manage to calm you when mom and my grandad wants to come to the hospital. I know I am in the good hands. I know you do little quarrel with your housemates just to protect me. I know even when you didn't tell me anything. I know you are trying to make me happy when you brought me to see the friends. They are all funny and you know I love them, you've made me happy love. I know you are trying to protect me, prepared me a place to stay when I am sulk and just want to go back. You don't even console me with sweet words but I know you trying to protect me and I know you love me. I know you cared when I'm cry, I know you are sad listening to my weak voices, I know you hurt inside. I known bcs you are a part of me and one day you are gonna be my whole. I know you are trying to give the best for me and you did. I know you want me to grow beautifully. I know you want me to understand life, stay healthy and persistently mature going through a life. I know you love me and sayang you know who I would live a hug with :)

gastroscopy

How it goes.

Past three years, I’ve been through gastroscopy in order to find out the inner part of my stomach. a year after the procedure I’ve been told by the specialist that there’s redness around my stomach from what they’ve seen through the scope.

I’ve been treated as GERD patient and the drugs, proton pump inhibitor. I didn’t take it as well as advised. Until I’ve been change to ganathon 50mg three times a day. Those completely mess with me as well, haha. The last drugs that I depend on. The doctor said that I have to continuously taking it daily, like seriously. And so I still wanna feeling like healthy person, so I don’t take it until now I got the last warn from them, the medist. I got myself laugh.

And the follow up this month, I have to make sure that I take it regularly before the doctor blow up, haha.

If the drugs doesn’t make any sense, they gonna run second gastroscopy soon. And sincerely, that will kill me man. Let’s take a look what my first scope are like..

Actually, I’ve been writing this year ago in my past post.

It was nothing, but annoying little operation. I’ve been told that there’s no harm in the procedure. Yeah, as well as I knew. But to be honest, it scared me a lil bit.

As I was lying on the bed. They, the doctor and nurses surround me was horribly made me uneasy. I’ve been injected with sleeping drugs, but I am still half awake.

And they put transparent oxygenated tube through my nose and the pulse oximeter on my right hand as usual.

She said ‘as you are asthma we put this to prevent the lack of oxygen for you’ and I felt tickles in my noses. Am not breathing well, tho. The doctors made my pulse oximeter works even better. Duh, I’m nervous. I believe that they gonna think that I’m nervous due to my rapid pulse, but it’s not. It’s infected.

I can’t even barely breathe as the doctor came towards me and I was half awake, my eyes are no longer wide opened. I am sleepy but urge to open my eyes.

The doctor put the long tube in my mouth and I felt that the tube find it way through my stomach. Name it, it’s uncomfort, it’s uneasy and so on.

Apparently my right hand was hurt about the injection and the pulse oximeter wire that mess with the needle in my hand.

I felt like vomit. Then I pushed the doctor’s arm away. The nurses hold almost all part of my body. My legs, my hand and my shoulder. My painful right hand pulled the doctor’s cloth and then the nurses said ‘syahirah, jangan tarik baju doctor nanti tertanggal, tahan sikit ya’

And I was like, I don’t care nurses, doctor please stop. But they didn’t hear me cause I can’t talk. My mouth filled with so much tube as I was conscious.

Then during the cloth’s pulling session, I was finally really sleepy and after the procedure done I slept in the ward for hours.

There’s no harm but it get my claustrophobia active. That’s why I scared of scope things.

But the best thing about my story is I was conscious that I gonna have to do laparoscopy sooner or later, Haha. there’s no other way out I can go. I am never willing to see the doctor anyway although the medist suggested to. But last month I did, for the sake of myself, maybe? Haha

 he was the one who find it a way for me to go to the specialist. And so I went. That’s the things then. I am waiting for my future scope again.

Apparently, pain demands to be felt.

For those who has been diagnosed, it was always better to have your prescribed drugs as advised unless you are me. Haha

That’s all about gastroscopy. I am looking forward for anxiety in the next post.

That’s all. 

Assalamualaikum, hi!
today I'm not gonna talk about anything but myself.
since I found that I'd lost interest in posting anything except this.
so sorry that anyone may have found it's not easy for you to read this, or annoy anyone.
I just cannot think of anything else but this.
sorry, pain demands to be felt huh? :)

Just in my last post I do talk about gastritis. but now, it's more important thing I guess. duh, I don't know, but both are really important, nope, it's all important.
just past year ago I was 20 when they found it. I started to take NSAID as result. and so I went, my gastritis getting worsen due to the drugs, but it kind of help to my nerve. I got no choice except for bearing with the pain and shut the drug closed in the box.
and I was switched to some anti-epilectic or anti-depressants as result, comes with vitamin for nerves.
it works by slowing down impulses in the brain. it is used to treat fibromyalgia or any other neurophathic pain associated with spinal cord injury.

you know that I trying hard to figure out myself while taking the drugs. it's always said in the article that 'you may thought about suicide while taking this drugs' and yeah it works in me. i don't know how many times do I have to fight myself when my body shaking and the suicidal keep flashing my mind.
total perk!

Call your doctor at once if you have any new or worsening symptoms such as: mood or behavior changes, depression, anxiety, insomnia, or if you feel agitated, hostile, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

unfortunately, this happened to me and the doctor stop the drugs and I am back taking the old drugs which I thought of same side effect too, but lighter than that one I've been switched of.
still am, heavy dizziness, muscle weakness, memory problem and loss focus.
depression is always the side effect as well.

but the most difficult part is that I'd memory problem, mood changes and thinking problem. and not to forget skin rashes. bad one. haha
I've been told that I kind of loss my ability to drive. the medline always said that patient on this drugs cannot drive until the doctor confirmed that you are free from the drugs.
but I have no choice again, I have to drive on my own. so as the resullt, I am so embarrassed that I drive like a drunk man.
you know that sometimes I don't even realized that I am on the middle on the road which I cross the border line. you imagine, to drive at the middle of the road? not in the right lane or left lane but middle. total sucks!
and most of the time when I'm driving I'm not actually really driving but hallucinating. nope, I don't think of anything or want to think of it. but somehow my brain are at failure to gave attention to the driving.
always, I don't see in front of my car but I look at the road. yes, I mean the road, the place my tyre pampered themselves!
I am also almost hit the other car. I am sometimes what people said 'ikut rapat rapat' with the car in front of mine. then I get back to my hallucination and when they brake I don't even realized until it almost get to hit the car. pretty sick!

but lately, I found myself in pretty depression. nope I have no problem but my brain fog works well. my best friend told me this few weeks as we go out together that I am pretty crazy.
firstly I thought that just a normal joke. but then I realized when I can't get myself shut up in the car mostly. I don't even feeling like driving, I don't focus on my driving instead of I keep singing, dancing or babbling in the car myself. I started to think that it's just not me. I go extraordinary nowadays. my friend noticed that. and I also noticed that it's hard to handle myself.
I keep doing unusual things. such as walk in a circle, babbling and so on. I don't even noticed or giving attention to people near me or sometimes I stare at a thing, a long stare, thinking of nothing.

I don't know what happened but it's hurts so much.
I could always ask for a beautiful day and days.
I may have prayed that I gonna heal soon.
and gonna live my beautiful life with the husband and children :') haha
fkr, I love you, always :)

Hai :)
it's been awhile since I last update the blog.
I was actually not feeling well. but guess who's always there?
who else, to my fkr who never fail giving me strength, sayang, I love you.
through thick and thin, through stormy seas this partner would stick with me.
u know how bad I cope with my weight and illness. I don't know how many times I've cried at u for being so skinny and dificult.
yet, I know i'm the luckiest girl. I know i'm happy. bcs if the world turn out someday, I ttap sayang u.
I appreciate anything u've done for me. thanks a lot, sayang :)

Notes from blogger.

I've been quiet thinking, nowadays.

see, almost common feeling of us.

when we get into relationship, apa kita nak?

of course, as for me it's marriage.

and most of us too, aite.

I don't bother with people who don't, that's their business.

I've been doing some research on my mind, recently.

surely mean, I am hard thinking during this time.

I've tried to find the reason why and what do I want from a relationship,

and what should I do?

I'm still at the age of another teens would feel free to enjoy their life.

to go out and have some hangouts with their friends. 

but i'm no longer at the interest of it. I've lost it.

sometimes I feel like having fun isn't legal anymore at this age.

sometimes I do feel boring going out with the friends.

sometimes I think that I should learn more on to be fine adult.

I have that feeling sooner or later I'm gonna be a wife, a mother.

I have to be one.

mentally physically ready.

for the physical part, i'm sorry! I still on follow up.

I'm still on my task to be health.

but the utmost thing I am concern about is that

mental part.

I have to be mentally prepared.

and how?

I am still learning.

and always am.

utmost priorities is that I have tried hard to be an optimist.

I 've tried in so many ways to be patience.

I've learn to be mature and mature.

and yes, he taught me oftenly not to be distract by emotion.

he always said, ikut nafsu lesu, cuba fikir.

each time, he always made me think.

and I feel like 'malunya aku'

I was ashamed each time tlalu emosi.

and ya, women are sensitive are emotional kan.

that's normal.

but in my case, it's not normal.

since I am cope with some illness, it's no longer normal.

I am sometimes tempered, emotional, sensitive.

but somehow, everytime I am dealing with those,

I tried hard to tell myself that I shouldn't be this way.

I can't be distract by this. 

susah nak buat tu. but slowly u'll noticed there's progress.

same goes in a relationship.

if there's too much emotions and selfish, it's not nice.

dalam perhubungan should be always ada tolak ansur and understanding.

you know that your partner won't always be perfect as you wish,

won't always compliments you, won't always be easy for you.

but I'd always remember that he loves me.

he may not always tell me, but he's always love me.

trust.

I do trust the same feeling dancing in us.

I do trust in the love God gave us.

I do put positive sense in ours.

we do fight, it's not always going to be harmony as well.

but it's fine. each of fight made us even stronger, wiser.

benda ni lama lagi, we are going to survive long journey,

the goals is in front, marriage.

we have to be very strong.

and of course, being distract by small matter sampai bring into emotions all things

actually tak bagus.

it's aging century, we're going to be father mother.

how will we going to survive our kids if we can't even survive our own emotions?

persistently, makin lama kenal makin banyak kelemahan keburukan kita nampak.

but it's okay. as for me, setiap kelemahan tu I'll try to fit in.

so do with mine, he somehow would try to fit in.

and yes that's made us compatible. 

I seen you perfect and I love you,

I seen you're not perfect and I love you even more.

know, sometimes I feel it weird that I love your imperfections.

cause I'm actually a perfectionist. 

that's what we called love, hah. 

love your perfect imperfections ~ haha 

whatever it takes, just bear in mind.

in a realtionship, should have more of patience and trust and positivity.

and of course utmost important thing is, maturity.

may Allah bless all of us, our family and beloved one.

warm greetings,

the blogger :) 

Screening - MRI scan

Hi assalamualaikum :)

lama tak menulis kat sini rasanya.

tersangat lama lahh. haha

too many things happen and I just not in good position

to say anything.

so for now I got something to share.

since tengah ambik balik mood blogging ni. haha

so sambil layan video wedding blogger2 favorite ni

sambil menulis boleh semarakkan lagi rasa cinta 

pada blog yang kian hambar ni. hahaha

This morning I go through MRI scan. spinal screening.

last day hospital ada call but I just missed the call

and langsung tak perasan sampai lah nak

dekat pukul 5 pm I reread surat kebenaran prosedur tu.

and baru perasan rupanya kena confirm kan appointment tu.

so cepat2 call, nasib sempat. haha

pagi tadi pulak, terlewat ceritanya.

should be by 8 am dah ada kat sana.

punya dengan jalan lagi jam.

pukul 7.50 am hospital call tanya datang ke tak.

as I said dah otw sikit lagi nak sampai,

dia cakap pukul 8 am kena ada kat sini dah ya.

I just drive like schumacher. hahaha

sambil mulut terkumat kamit membebel. haha

Guess what, sampai hospital 8.05 am.

punya berlari dari parking lot masuk klinik pakar

berjalan macam apa dah go through ward.

sampai2 dengan sakit kaki tak hilang lagi

doktor suruh salin gaun hospital and pakai cap tu.

dengan malu malu kucing aku ketuk bilik kawalan tu.

last2 dia cakap "syahirah, tukar kasut tu, pakai selipar yang comel dalam bilik tu"

haa, tau tak punya comel aku sarung selipar garfield tu.

rasa nak gelak tergolek pun ada.

seumur hidup aku tak pernah pakai selipar camtu. hahaha

tapi kena tau kenapa dia suruh pakai selipar tu.

bukan sebab dia terencat tapi sebab dia takut kasut kita tu

ada unsur logam atau apa.

nak masuk je dalam bilik MRI tu, 

apa2 yang bersifat logam tak boleh.

necklace,watch,bra atau apa2 je.

even kad atm atau apa2 kad tak boleh sebab tarikan magnet.

ikat rambut pun kena lepas. haha

rimas pulak dengarnya kan.

nasib seliparnya comel, banyak pulak pilihan yang ada. haha

Masuk je bilik tu dah rasa aura seram tu.

yelah mana taknya dengan lampu dia oren2 malap tu,

dengan mesin yang bapak besar tu, terkedu jap. haha

then dia suruh baring atas stroller  mesin tu.

pastu dia selimutkan, ala2 puan besar jap. 

pastu dia tanya "awak boleh tak ni?"

sebab apa dia tanya macam tu?

sebabnya, I am claustrophobia positive.

and yaa ia agak masalah untuk orang macam aku buat imbasan ni.

sebab aku tak boleh tempat sempit, gelap atau bising.

bukan cerewet.

sejak lahir macam tu, dah kena penyakit macam tu.

aku lupa cmna boleh jadi macam tu.

mungkin sebab aku penah jatuh dalam lubang dalam dulu kot

 dan kena hempap batu. fuhh haha

kalau aku ada dekat situasi tu jadi cmna?

aku akan sesak nafas, panik dan memang sangat tak tentu arah.

tak tentu arah tu cmna perasaan dia?

aku akan rasa macam nak mati.

memang melampau bunyi dia,

tapi tu lah penyakit aku, memang aku rasa masa tu penghujung dunia aku lah.

teruk kan? 

aku nak sangat sembuh tapi tak tau cmna. hmm

okay berbalik pada tadi, dengan muka buat2 yakin aku cakap

"boleh. tapi boleh mintak selimut dua tak? sejuk lah" haha

demand kan. tapi kaki aku memang kuat dan cepat sejuk.

then doktor bagi aku pakai headphone yang ada wayar panjang gila. haha

tu sebenarnya headphone untuk komunikasi dengan doktor kat bilik kawalan.

headphone tu ada interkom. 

pastu dia letak apa benda ntah atas perut aku pastu dia ikat dekat stroller.

kira macam tahanan je, terikat tak boleh buat apa.

tapi tu bukan ikatan yang sah lah. hahahaa

"kuat tak bunyi kat dalam tu ya?"

pastu doktor tu kata kuat jugak lah, nanti ada macam2 bunyi.

aku dah cuak dah tapi senyum je. control sangat. haha

masa tu tau tak aku rasa nak bangun lari keluar dari bilik tu je. hahaha

tapi aku takut kena cekik dengan doktor.

so aku redha je.

doktor kata tak boleh gerak nanti, jangan gerak langsung.

kalau gerak gambar tak elok and kena ulang2 buat lagi so akan jadi lama,

akan lebih dari sejam lah pastinya.

yang sejam tu pun aku dah redha je.

so aku dah bayangkan azabnya. so aku duk diam tak bergerak.

susah nak tengok aku baik macam tu. hahaha

kira abis comel lah aku duduk tadi, budak baik jap. haha

Then dia cakap "okay, lampu ni saya buka ya. biasa tutup tapi saya takut awak tak selesa"

aku angguk je. 

pastu dia letak buzzer kat genggaman aku.

dia cakap "bila masuk dalam nanti kalau awak tak selesa atau

tak boleh nafas, picit je buzzer ni ya"

then dia masukkan stroller separuh.

muka aku betul2 kat depan muka mesin.

pastu dia tanya "awak okay tak?"

aku nak cakap okay lah konon tapi jantung dah laju gila.

so aku tanya "kalau kepala kat luar boleh tak?" dengan muka yang cover2. haha

doktor cakap try dulu, kalau tak boleh baru kepala kat luar.

so aku terpaksa senyum je lah. haha

then dia masukkan aku dalam mesin tu.

fuhh, tak tergambar perasaan aku masa tu.

cuak,takut,berpeluh,panik semua ada.

perasaan sayang semua tu dah tak ada kejap. hahaha

pastu dia interkom "okay syahirah kita nak mula ya"

pastu aku pejam mata and mesin mula mengeluarkan bunyi dentuman yang kuat.

mula2 perlahan pastu lama2 dengar cam orang bertukang kuat gila.

aku cuba buka mata jap. fuhh tak boleh.

aku tutup semula mata, tutup rapat2.

bila aku buka mata kan, bila aku tengok.

aku jadi panik. and seriously aku sesak nafas.

memang dah mula sesak nafas masa tu.

dua minit pertama tu serious cakap memang macam2 ada dalam fikiran aku.

sama macam masa dalam ward dulu.

masa tu aku terbayang mati.

masa tu tak tau nak cakap lahperasaan aku.

kalau orang biasa aku rasa tak ada masalah, kalau aku orang biasa

mungkin aku akan relax je.

tapi dah penyakit macam aku ni memang teruk jadinya.

aku pejam mata rapat2, dahi tak yah cakap lah berkerut seribu

duk lawan perasaan sendiri.

masa tu aku bayang apa tau.

aku bayang masa aku happy2 jalan dengan aten,

and aku cakap kat diri aku 

"sabar syahirah, ni kejap je nanti dah keluar okay lah"

tapi fail jugak, sikit lagi aku rasa nak jerit stoppppp.

dah macam2 aku berzikir.

apa yang aku buat masa kat dalam tu.

aku selawat pastu hati aku tak berhenti sebut 

Allah..Allah..

tu yang aku buat untuk sabarkan hati.

lama2 aku reda sikit.

tapi still sesak nafas. dengan dah mula rasa panas haba dari magnet tu.

aku rasa rambut aku macam mencacak dalam cap tu. haha

bulu roma semua naik. haha

pastu mesin tu stop.  tapi aku masih kat dalam.

dalam hati aku dah cakap.

"doktor ni tak nak keluarkan aku ke? aku dah lemas dalam ni.

 ke dia nak bunuh aku? kang tetiba dia jadi orang jahat yang 

macam dalam sinetron tu memang nak biar aku lemas"

haa.. teruk tak teruk aku punya penyakit sampai macam tu jadinya.

lepas tu interkom bunyi lagi.

"okay syahirah, kita nak mula ya"

aku dah mengeluh abis lah. ingatkan dah abis. 

then macam tadi jugak dahi aku masih lagi berkerut

dan aku masih lagi rapuh.

macam2 terlayar di fikiran macam tadi.

tapi kali ni teruk lagi sebab badan aku mengigil sejuk.

tapi doktor cakap jangan gerak, tapi dia nak mengigil jugak.

so aku tahan, keraskan badan. haha

masa tu aku duk cakap je kat diri sendiri.

"aku kuat aku kuat aku kuat"

sebab aku tak nak ulang buat, sekali ni pun dah azab jugak. haha

masa tu macam2 lah aku cuba ingat. 

apa2 yang buat aku happy.

cuba ingat medina, tak jalan jugak. haha

Last2 aku rasa macam ada semangat yang meniup. haha

ayat bahasa melayu sikit ya.

ntah lah dari mana. tetiba aku rasa better sikit.

kekuatan dalaman datang dari dalam jiwa yang sedang bertahan.

haha. ayat tak menahan.

and tetiba teringat pulak ada orang cakap

"u kuat la"

walaupun ayat dia cam biasa2 je, tapi aku rasa macam nak against benda tu.

nak against ayat tu.

and I do it.

walaupun still am not breathing fine.

tapi minit2 terakhir tu aku boleh bertenang sikit.

sambil sebut Allah sambil sebut aku kuat. haha

dah macam nak mati gayanya aku, tapi nak buat cmna kan.

Doktor keluarkan aku dari terowong tu.

dalam dua minit camtu.

aku ingat dah abis lah.

tetiba dia cakap "okay syahirah kita masuk semula dalam 3 minit lagi ya"

haha. rasa nak nangis je.

tapi kali ni aku dah tenang sikit cuma sejuk dia tak tahan.

mengigil abis lah. haha

dan bunyi mesin kali ni pun makin annoying kuat dia.

dari dalam terowong tu aku boleh nampak lah sipi2 doktor tu 

duk perati je aku dari dalam bilik kawalan. haha

rasa macam di pedulikan pulak. rasa disayangi. haha

selalu di abaikan je. haha

Then bila dah abis tu aku di keluarkan dari mesin tu,

doktor masuk and cakap dah abis.

dia tanya cmna okay tak.

aku senyum je cakap.

"boleh lah tapi sesak nafas lah" haha

okay lega sangat sebab tak yah kena inject,

tak yah masuk ward and tak yah disuntik macam2.

Thank you Allah giving that strength 

walaupun mula2 I almost gave up.

Lepas keluar dari bilik tu ramainya lagi yang menunggu rupanya.

aku first patient pagi tu, agak beruntung lah.

tengok muka masing2 dalam tu dah cuak. hihi

aku senyum je walaupun tawar sikit. haha

bersiap sedia lah engkorang. ahaha

doktor jumpa aku and examine sikit.

tanya2 itu ini sikit and dia cakap lah pasal imbasan tadi.

and yang paling hambar bila doktor cakap

"kita tak tau kenapa kaki awak boleh jadi lemah..hmm"

and guess what, perasaan aku masa tu macam..

apa lagi nanti?

I just wondering that there will be second screening with injections, soon.

tak tau lah how come they can't detect anything, 

or at least tell me the probability or even the precautions.

if there's nothing wrong, my legs won't be this poor.

u know that every night I have to deal with the pain on the left leg

before getting sleep.

then what's mean by 'kita tak tau kenapa dengan kaki awak'?

I vomit almost everyday pun doktor nak cakap camni

'awak kena siasat kenapa jadi macam tu'

am not the doctor, you are.

I'm not major in medic, what do you expect for me nak siasat

without giving me the clues?

I just have the google and the books, yet am still not a medist.

okay at first, x-ray tak nampak.

and aku admit doktor tu yang salah sbb tak teliti pasal x-ray tu.

and dia buat conclusion rambang.

bila pergi kat pakar, dah nampak cuai dia kat situ.

okay then MRI pun tak nampak lagi.

based on research aku yang bermalam2 tu,

aku tak expect pun ada slip disc, sbb postur aku normal lagi.

yang problemnya legs limb.

walaupun aku tak tau kenapa aku di refer ke pakar tulang,

but my legs condition really strengthen the opinion of 

there's something wrong somewhere.

samada MRI tadi tak menggunakan media kontras 

for to earn more details on the picture,

sbb tak perlu.

ataupun the doctors just followed the hospital's procedure?

it is hiding something from the patients as well.

sama macam kes gastritis ni.

after the operation dia tak bagitau pun aku get into GERD.

sampai lah setahun lepas tu aku baru tau bila keadaan aku makin teruk.

that's why lah aku tak rely on doctor pun.

most of all setiap kali aku being diagnosed atau dapat ubat,

aku akan buat research.

to take precautions or aware of.

sebab doktor tak akan cakap dekat kau sampai penyakit kau jadi makin teruk.

tu prosedur hospital.

aku tau sebab aku dah lama berurusan dengan hospital.

banyak orang yang cakap macam tu.

even my aunt's the matron, my cousin the nurses

pun cakap macam tu.

dorang sebagai staff tak boleh cakap apa2 pada patient

 tentang keadaan sebenar sbb prosedurnya macam tu.

maybe sbb tu some people prefer swasta punya hospital kot.

but sometimes kalau jumpa pakar yang okay,

dorang akan terus terang.

tapi kalau dapat doktor yang annoying then they would

leave it hanging je lah. haha

so that was the place where I get lah.

it's an experienced,

that realized you are alive.

whatever happens,

hold on to the one up there.

#Syahirahturns21

Assalamualaikum :)

20th June 2014 / friday

and last day was my birthday. haha

tak sempat nak update sbb ngantuk gila so hari ni boleh lah.

sebenarnya ramai geng junies ni.

baby Fiska medina pun 1 june #Medinaturns1

baby Nadi pun sama 19 june #Naditurns1

so syahirah je yang turns 21. haha

so semalam i went to some places lah.

tak plan pun cuma ntah lah rasa nak g.

21 tahun hidup baru menjengah china town.

and tak sangka lah ada tempat tu sbb selama ni lalu je.

bila dah turun jalan baru nampak apa semua yang ada kat situ.

tak besar tempatnya tapi ada some old places yang cantik.

so selain dari tu takde buat apa dah.

cuma banyaklah tempat yang sangat jarang g aku g hari tu.

ada gak yang tak pernah g.

apa perasaan ya?

ntahlah rasa biasa je.

cuma ulangtahun kali ni aku belajar sesuatu.

and mungkin birthday tahun ni antara yang tak boleh lupa kot.

Alhamdulillah, Allah masih izinkan bernafas di muka bumi ni.

walaupun langit tak selalu cerah, tapi hidup akan tiba masa bahagianya.

so teruslah tersenyum :)

kebahagiaan hanya milik mereka yang percaya pada keindahan mimpinya.

so 21th syahirah.

please, be optimist.

be patience.

be tough.

be soft.

and be a better person.

InsyaAllah, Ameen Ya rabb

I wish to be more mature for the days ahead.

I wanna be a proper adult.

I want to love and be loved.

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy,

In whatever situation I may be. for also i

have learned that our happiness or misery is

upon our disposition and not upon our circumstances.

 I pray for myself to be happy :)

thank God for sending me some optimist peoples to adapt.

thanks for sending me happiness through them too.

and thanks pada yang wish.

and orang paling awal wish c zahid lah. haha

dah nak tido wonder pulak spa call.

terpelik pulak dia call ttiba, dah tak sedap hati

ingat apa jadi.

rupanya nak wish bufday. haha

okay laughing. hihi but thanks for remembering and wishing.

tak sangka langsung akan wish.

sbb mmg expect dia lupa dan tak peduli langsung. haha

tapi hadiah tak dapat. sbb demand nak baby medina. 

susah lah. hahaha

and u. tak wish pun.

tapi takpe i faham :) haha

so now dah tak tau nak cakap apa.

layan gambar lah pulak yang ada. haha

#Syahirahturns21

ballon takda gas dia tak mau terbang. hahaha

tak tau apa motif. haha

cause loving nature, is my nature anyway :)

selamat datang ke teratek gue. haha #oldvillage #chinatown

old is gold. unique. 

so this is a bestfriend that help me a lot on that day. thanks pal :)

satu apa jadah aku tak faham. tapi ada aku kisah. haha

I love old stuffs. 

suatuuu sangat. haha

dekat london banyak kan pondok telefon ni haa.

so feeling2 je lah. hahahaa

last but not least. lawanyaa mural ni. haha #Artstreet

so tu je lah yang boleh di sharekan setakat ni.

up till now,

have a nice day yaa :)