Assalamualaikum, hi!
today I'm not gonna talk about anything but myself.
since I found that I'd lost interest in posting anything except this.
so sorry that anyone may have found it's not easy for you to read this, or annoy anyone.
I just cannot think of anything else but this.
sorry, pain demands to be felt huh? :)

Just in my last post I do talk about gastritis. but now, it's more important thing I guess. duh, I don't know, but both are really important, nope, it's all important.
just past year ago I was 20 when they found it. I started to take NSAID as result. and so I went, my gastritis getting worsen due to the drugs, but it kind of help to my nerve. I got no choice except for bearing with the pain and shut the drug closed in the box.
and I was switched to some anti-epilectic or anti-depressants as result, comes with vitamin for nerves.
it works by slowing down impulses in the brain. it is used to treat fibromyalgia or any other neurophathic pain associated with spinal cord injury.

you know that I trying hard to figure out myself while taking the drugs. it's always said in the article that 'you may thought about suicide while taking this drugs' and yeah it works in me. i don't know how many times do I have to fight myself when my body shaking and the suicidal keep flashing my mind.
total perk!

Call your doctor at once if you have any new or worsening symptoms such as: mood or behavior changes, depression, anxiety, insomnia, or if you feel agitated, hostile, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

unfortunately, this happened to me and the doctor stop the drugs and I am back taking the old drugs which I thought of same side effect too, but lighter than that one I've been switched of.
still am, heavy dizziness, muscle weakness, memory problem and loss focus.
depression is always the side effect as well.

but the most difficult part is that I'd memory problem, mood changes and thinking problem. and not to forget skin rashes. bad one. haha
I've been told that I kind of loss my ability to drive. the medline always said that patient on this drugs cannot drive until the doctor confirmed that you are free from the drugs.
but I have no choice again, I have to drive on my own. so as the resullt, I am so embarrassed that I drive like a drunk man.
you know that sometimes I don't even realized that I am on the middle on the road which I cross the border line. you imagine, to drive at the middle of the road? not in the right lane or left lane but middle. total sucks!
and most of the time when I'm driving I'm not actually really driving but hallucinating. nope, I don't think of anything or want to think of it. but somehow my brain are at failure to gave attention to the driving.
always, I don't see in front of my car but I look at the road. yes, I mean the road, the place my tyre pampered themselves!
I am also almost hit the other car. I am sometimes what people said 'ikut rapat rapat' with the car in front of mine. then I get back to my hallucination and when they brake I don't even realized until it almost get to hit the car. pretty sick!

but lately, I found myself in pretty depression. nope I have no problem but my brain fog works well. my best friend told me this few weeks as we go out together that I am pretty crazy.
firstly I thought that just a normal joke. but then I realized when I can't get myself shut up in the car mostly. I don't even feeling like driving, I don't focus on my driving instead of I keep singing, dancing or babbling in the car myself. I started to think that it's just not me. I go extraordinary nowadays. my friend noticed that. and I also noticed that it's hard to handle myself.
I keep doing unusual things. such as walk in a circle, babbling and so on. I don't even noticed or giving attention to people near me or sometimes I stare at a thing, a long stare, thinking of nothing.

I don't know what happened but it's hurts so much.
I could always ask for a beautiful day and days.
I may have prayed that I gonna heal soon.
and gonna live my beautiful life with the husband and children :') haha
fkr, I love you, always :)